You’re in a committed relationship or an independent woman who don’t need no man, but either way your mother still has plenty to say about your relationship status. For those of us with somebody to love, she’ll raise eyebrows over their suitability and make family gatherings awkward with questions of when they’ll make an honest woman of you. If you’re a single pringle, every visit to her will bring the question of when you’ll settle down. She can set you up with her friend’s son John (“he’s a solicitor, very handsome, kind eyes”) if you want? As for divorce, well, she’ll divorce you if you mention it.
When are you going to give her grandkids? She had five children when she was your age and that was back in the day. When the kids do come along, she’ll be there hovering over your shoulder, not criticising, oh no, just telling you “how she would do it if she was you”. “Are you feeding them enough?” “They’re not wearing enough clothes”… she has endless parenting advice to impart and “you can either take it or leave it”.
Think the days of running to the bank of mum were left behind in your twenties? For some of you, they very well may be, but some of us still need the odd loan here and there.
4. Location, location, location
When she asks “When are you moving out?” all you hear is “Why are you still here?”. Mothers of those who have already set up house in a home of their own will pace around said home on visits, pointing here and there at things that “isn’t the way” she’d have it. You’re either too far away, or your house is too big, too small, too cold, too warm, too bright, too messy. Either way, it’s never the way she’d have it.
5. Taking care of yourself
“You could have run a brush through your hair before you left your house,” she’ll say, ignoring the gale force winds outside that has your hair looking the way it does in the first place. Now that you’re getting on in years, you need to take better care of yourself for which she has plenty of tips. Try some of that “yoga-lates”, eat more hummus and drink less wine. Of course, she didn’t do that when she was your age, but what does that matter?