My mother is great but she won’t put sugar in my tea!

My mother is amazing, I love her dearly and we get on very well. She’s 80-years-old, totally independent and full of life and personality. All my life she has been my go to person and I am so grateful that she still is there for me. And this woman knows me so well, better than anyone else. She knows my personality in and out, back to front; there is literally no hiding from her.

And yet, here I am at 46-years-old still irritated by one particular glitch in her treatment of me. It never fails to evoke a completely over the top nuts reaction in me, but it’s so damn frustrating! I mean, she should know me, right? This is a thing that has been the same literally all my life. In fact, it was her who introduced me to this, who provided it for me and encouraged me to enjoy it. So why is it that she forgets? Or does she?

Sometimes I think she does it on purpose just to get a rise out of me. Or maybe she does it to remind me that even though she is old now, and in some ways I take care of her, she is still the mother and therefore the alpha. Sometimes I think that I see a slight smile on her face as I kick off my reaction and leave this atmosphere and enter the one above. Is she really just goading me?

Whatever the reason, this has been, and remains, the most contentious thing in our relationship.  Someday I imagine I’ll laugh at it but for the moment I will continue to be completely frustrated and annoyed every time she hands me a cuppa with love and a smile and I take a sip and put it down on the table. I say nothing and simmer quietly until eventually she’ll ask why I’m not drinking my cuppa and then I exclaim again that I TAKE SUGAR IN MY TEA!

– Rosetta Herr, Dundalk

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